Sometimes when we think about open relationships, we get most excited about the perks -- more love, more sex, more new relationship energy-- and forget they come with their own set of kinks to be worked through. When Mr. Nurando from Nigeria first offered me $1,000,000 if I would just hold some money for him in my bank account, my first thought was "cool", followed by "sure you do", followed by "what does Snopes say about this one?". It didn't take a lot of effort on my part to figure out that while it would be wonderful if it were true, ultimately dealing with Mr. Nurando was going to cost me more than I could afford to lose. This is compared to buying a scratch ticket on impulse at the grocery store. The odds aren't highly in my favor, but it's not going to break me to lose the dollar.
So when you meet that really sexy boy or hot lady who is already involved, I suggest you apply the same level of common sense that you would apply to a random offer of $1,000,000. Life is a series of risks and open relationships are no different. But a short pause can help you get a better handle on whether the risk you are taking is one you can afford to take.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Swinging Bi Boys
While listening to the delicious Cunning Minx on www.polyweekly.com I was inspired to write her and wanted to share it with you:
I wanted to drop you a note about your comments around the swing community and bi-boys. You are right, there is a taboo around the boy-on-boy action. The funny thing is, despite there being no rules against it, it is just something not commonly seen. As a bi boy who enjoys pushing the envelope, I find it fun and amusing to put little cracks in the machismo that often permeates the swing clubs. I know from experience that is is usually a welcome sight to a number of the women in the space. We men have our own set of luggage to contend with around issues of ego, confidence, image and perception. I think the only way to help break the old patterns of behavior is to set a strong example that making out with another boy doesn't make you any less of a man. Just like making out with a girl doesn't make you any less of a woman.
So if you are a bi boy, and you like the swing community, then I say, don't be trapped in by taboos. If you were trapped by taboo, you wouldn't be at a swing club anyway. So grab the bull by the horns, so to speak, and find a other boy who is comfortable with it and go for it. You don't need to do it on the pool table so that you are being rude, but don't hide it either. Be comfortable with yourselves, so others can learn to be comfortable too.
I wanted to drop you a note about your comments around the swing community and bi-boys. You are right, there is a taboo around the boy-on-boy action. The funny thing is, despite there being no rules against it, it is just something not commonly seen. As a bi boy who enjoys pushing the envelope, I find it fun and amusing to put little cracks in the machismo that often permeates the swing clubs. I know from experience that is is usually a welcome sight to a number of the women in the space. We men have our own set of luggage to contend with around issues of ego, confidence, image and perception. I think the only way to help break the old patterns of behavior is to set a strong example that making out with another boy doesn't make you any less of a man. Just like making out with a girl doesn't make you any less of a woman.
So if you are a bi boy, and you like the swing community, then I say, don't be trapped in by taboos. If you were trapped by taboo, you wouldn't be at a swing club anyway. So grab the bull by the horns, so to speak, and find a other boy who is comfortable with it and go for it. You don't need to do it on the pool table so that you are being rude, but don't hide it either. Be comfortable with yourselves, so others can learn to be comfortable too.
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